3 things I learned from Bob Marley
I have a 17 year older sister. When I was about 12, and she subsequently was about 29, I picked up one of her older CD’s: Bob Marley & The Wailers Greatest Hits.
That was it. That 14 song album impacted my life more than any other album has so far. Bob, as I lovingly call him, will for the rest of my life remain my favorite artist.
In my mid-teens it even went so far as that I almost got rastas. Luckily, my brother intervened because, let’s be honest, I could not have dealt with taking care of them and I am pretty sure I would have given birth to some form of new insect species in there.
As I grew up and delved into the world of leadership, philosophy and self-improvement I found that a lot of the lyrics and quotes I had memorized from my favorite artists’ songs were generally really friggin’ good life advice.
So, here are the 3 things I learned from Bob Marley that I re-learned later in life and that can guide us in leading a happier, more successful life every day.
1. Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for. — Bob Marley
We lead our lives in fear. We’re afraid to be vulnerable with our significant other, because we never want to feel heartbreak again. We’re afraid to put our art out in the world, because we’re afraid some critic will tell us we’re not good enough. We will never upload that YouTube video we always thought of because we don’t want to be hurt by the negative comments of strangers.
So we continue living in mediocracy, playing it safe and never reaching our fullest potential.
University of Houston research professor Brene Brown is a specialist in the area of vulnerability. Not only has she risen to fame thanks to her viral Ted Talk on the topic, but she has also published three New York Times №1 bestselling books on vulnerability, courage, authenticity and shame.
In her book, Daring Greatly, Brene Brown defines vulnerability better than I have ever read before.
“Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in.” — Brene Brown
We play half-heartedly, because we’re afraid to get hurt. We’re not fully open with our partners, because we don’t want them to hurt us. We don’t pursue our true passion, because we’re afraid to get hurt by the judgements of our friends & family. We don’t let us truly be seen, because we’re afraid people will betray us.
But what does that lead to? We get hurt anyway. We never pursue our passion. We life in safety. But what is a life lived in safety? Boring.
Vulnerability, according to the dictionary, is derived from Latin and it’s original meaning stems from: “having the ability to be wounded”. A truly strong warrior can be wounded and carry on. Ultimately, vulnerability is the greatest measure of strength then.
Fact is, we are going to get hurt in life. By the people we love, by strangers, intentionally and unintentionally. But we have to decide who and what it is worth getting hurt for. If you are alive, you are going to get hurt, whether or not you are all in. However, if you are all in, you’ll get hurt for the things that matter to you and that will ultimately always allow you to move on, keep pursuing your goal and become stronger.
“Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.” — Brene Brown
2. I have no education. I have inspiration. If I was educated, I would be a damn fool. — Bob Marley
Early this May 2017, I took a leadership training. As part of the leadership training participants got to share their stories on stage. It was a process that would allow other participants to learn from the stories of their peers while they themselves got to experience the relief of sharing things they had possibly never told anyone else before.
Initially, I was hesitant to share. Not that I was afraid of public speaking, but I just didn’t feel like I had any value to add. However, my friend recommended if I really wanted to get the most out of the training, I should share.
One evening my opportunity had finally come. I captured a seat in the front row right by the stage. I was so close to the microphone that the second the trainer would allow us to share, I would surely be the first on stage. It was perfect. Or so I thought…
Next to each side of the stage were 4 chairs. The trainer began the training: “We’ll listen to one song to ground ourselves, after that whoever wants to share will take a seat on the chairs next to the stage and you will share one by one”.
The song came on and I listened carefully excited to jump up and grab one of the seats as soon as the song ended. After all, it was 8 chairs and I was right next to them plus I’m pretty fast. There was no way I wouldn’t make it.
Suddenly, in the middle of the song one of the other participants, an elderly gentleman, slowly got up from his chair and wandered over to sit on one of the chairs next to the stage. You could feel the entire room’s energy becoming a little uneasy: “Is that allowed?”. I put my hand on the seat in front of me, ready to leap out of mine and join him. However, in my head I thought: “Is he doing the right thing? No one said we could go sit down yet. What if he gets in trouble right after the song?”
As I was thinking and fighting with myself on what to do next, always on the verge of getting up about 2 min passed. Then, again suddenly, a second person got up and sat next to the first participant. Within 10 seconds after that all the other chairs had been filled. As the law goes, as soon as you have your first follower everyone will follow.
I thought to myself that, again, all the things I had learned in the past, the behaviors I had been trained to find acceptable, what I thought was polite and appropiate, had kept me from achieving what I really wanted.
Before I could dwell on the topic any further, the trainer asked us to close our eyes for a few seconds before we start the sharing so we could really drop into our hearts. I closed my eyes and continued to grumble upon how I lost my opportunity.
Cue: “Open your eyes”. Before me on stage someone was already standing in front of the microphone. One of the participants who hadn’t managed to grab a seat had decided to just get on stage and wait in front of the microphone until we opened our eyes. “Wow!,” I thought to myself, ”Another opportunity I missed and didn’t even see because of all the things I was trained to do and not do”.
The moral of the story, we get to unlearn the things we learned in our childhood, the behaviors, rights or wrongs, how to do things. Because once we do, we see opportunity.
When we come from inspiration, we see possibility. When we come from education, we see limitations.
3. If you get down and quarrel everyday, you’re saying prayers to the devil, I say. — Bob Marley
There is a simple law in life and that is that whatever you focus on will expand. Have you ever noticed that once you want to buy a certain type of car you’ll suddenly see it everywhere? Or how about when you are in love and everything in the world will remind you of that person?
It’s the simple law of life: Whatever you focus on, you will get more of.
So what happens when you focus on complaining and all the negative things in your life? You will likely not only perceive more of it, but also create more of it.
Complaining, thus, is praying to the devil for more hardship.
On the other hand, practicing gratitude is asking life to expand all the good things it gave you and give you more & more & more of it.
Don’t believe me? Here are a few studies that highlight the benefits of gratitude.
- A 2012 study published in Personality and Individual Differences found that grateful people tend to experience less aches and pains in their body and generally report feeling healthier than other people.
- According to Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., a leading gratitude researcher, gratitude effectively increases happiness and reduces depression.
- A 2012 study by the University of Kentucky found that grateful people are more likely to behave in a prosocial, nice manner even when others behave less kind.
- Looking to improve your sleep? 15 min of gratitude journaling improves sleep measurably, according to a 2011 study published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being.
- Gratitude has even been found to increase athlete’s self-esteem, an important part of high performance, according to a 2014 study published in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology.
- Last but not least, a2006 study in Behavior Research and Therapy states that Vietnam War Veterans who practice gratitude experienced lower rates of PTSD and a 2013 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that gratitude was a major contributor to resilience following September 11.
So, if you don’t believe me or Bob Marley, believe the research and practice gratitude over complaining.
Who is your favorite artist? Revisit their lyrics and see if you can find gems of wisdom yourself.
